So a 325-Pound Transvestite Walks Into A Bar…

Not really. He actually broke into a sex shop, where the security cameras recorded him as he proceeded to experiment with the toys and — as you do, if you are a big, manly burglar — try on various pieces of lingerie and ladies’ wigs. For reals. This is him:

So, no matter how much lingerie and wigs he managed to squeeze himself into: LEAST CONVINCING DRAG QUEEN EVER.

Also, Captain Thought Process here was rounded up pretty easily after making his escape. Mainly because the security cameras that caught him dressing up like a naughty nurse and doing  irreparable emotional damage to the detectives who had to watch the tape, also caught footage of the large tattoo on his back. That happened to spell out his last name.

The pretty ones are never very smart.