Dear Santa: Suck It

I’m a simple woman. I only asked Santa for a few small things this year: eternal youth, world domination and this UFO detector. (Click here to see it; SO snazzy and it’s getting great reviews on, including this one from someone who is definitely not an alien.)

I knew I was chancing it on the youth and world domination requests, but I felt certain that someone would buy me the UFO detector. I mean, c’mon… it even got a sterling review from the peerless George Takei (AKA Sulu from Star Trek.) Just look at this oiled blue steel beauty:

UFO Detector


But did I get one? No! It’s like Santa doesn’t even know me at all.

Screw the holidays. I am converting to Jediism. Maybe next year I’ll at least get a goddamned light saber.

I Came in Like a Wreckkkinnng Ball…

Wrecking Ball

The Lady and the Box: A UFO Story from 1803 Japan

One of Japan’s most famous UFO stories focuses on a mysterious craft that washed ashore in 1803 on a beach in the Hitachi province. The craft was described as a circular, saucer-shaped boat; drawings of the object from that time period look very similar to modern-day UFO descriptions. 

Utsuro Bune 1

It’s either a UFO or a bedazzled mushroom – your call. 

The ship’s interior featured mysterious symbols and its sole inhabitant was described as an incredibly beautiful young woman.

Utsuro Bune 2

Beauty standards were subjective in those days, as Little Miss Perry Mason up there clearly demonstrates. 

The girl spoke in an unknown language and cradled a wooden box that she guarded tenaciously. The fishermen assumed that the box held the severed head of her lover, but modern UFO scholars discount this theory because the box depicted  is not the right shape. The fishermen eventually pushed the girl and the mysterious ship back into the ocean. 

And my takeaway from this unusual story was not “Wow, could those be the earliest illustrations of UFOs ever made?”  but rather “So they had boxes in feudal Japan specifically designed for severed head storage?”

Utsure Bune cropped

Glad Zip Lock Head Boxes: No more freezer burn on those sideburns.   

Leaked Email from Westboro Baptist Church re: Picketing Paul Walker’s Funeral

The good people at Funny or Die have posted an email leaked by the ever-charming members of Westboro Baptist Church (WBC). It details their upcoming plans to picket actor Paul Walker’s funeral. Enjoy.

Westboro Dancer

God bless this hilarious… pink fishnnet devil dancer? Not sure what look he’s going for, but well done all the same. ($20 says at least one of the WBC boys got a ginormous boner from this.)

Thanks to FOB Jennifer Malone for sending!