Bigfoot fans should check out this awesomely Squatchy podcast, hosted by longtime Bigfoot researcher Chuck Prahl, (Chuck writes one of my favorite Squatch blogs – BigfootBuzz.net.) Click here to listen to the latest episode.
(Thanks to Chuck for re-blogging my recent Bigfoot poll!)
Tune in… or else.
A giant squid, weighing over 350 pounds, was recently netted by Shigenori Goto off Japan’s Sadogashima Island in Niigata Prefecture. Extremely rare, with eyes the size of basketballs and eight creepy tentacles, giant squids are thought to be the basis of sea monster legends throughout the centuries.
Code name: Calamari.
These nightmares of the sea can grow up to 60 feet long and have a giant beak, like a parrot. Inside that beak sits a tongue covered in jagged teeth. Because Nature is a terrifying bitch.
Who wants a kiss?
And, oh yeah… each tentacle features a razor-sharp hook.
Even Great White sharks are like: “Aw, hell naw.”
Plus, recent scientific studies indicate that giant squid intelligence is on the rise.
So I, for one, would like to be the first to welcome our new Squid Overlords. The cuttlefish buffet is right this way, your Tentacleness.
A group of New York Satanists announced plans to erect a seven-foot-tall statue of Satan at the Oklahoma state Capitol building to protest the giant Ten Commandments statue that was built there in 2012.
Nope, nothing horrifying about this.
My Dad was from Oklahoma, so I know a few things about Okies. They like their guns loaded, their bibles thumped, and their Capitol buildings to be non-Satan-adjacent.
I’m all for free speech but if they put this thing up, it will last about week before someone shoots it, beheads it or converts it into a meth lab.
In summary: Good luck with this, Yankee infidels. This is TOTES a great idea that will in no way backfire whatsoever.
Cryptozoologist Rick Dyer (star of a documentary called Shooting Bigfoot) was recently awarded the corpse of a Sasquatch he claims to have shot in San Antonio after winning a court battle with the film’s producers. He has announced the he will now tour the country with said corpse, charging curious visitors a fee to view the body of Bigfoot, AKA Biggie. (I’ve preemptively given him a nickname, in case we ever meet and be come BFFs — Beast Friends 4EVA.)
Kenny Rogers has really let himself go.
Dyer has a lot of critics in the Squatch community, who claim that he’s a shyster. Regardless of the facts, if the Dead Bigfoot Body Tour comes to Fort Worth, I am there like underwear.
In July 1969, Fort Worth residents woke up to a startling article in the Fort Worth Star-Telegram: “Fishy Man-Goat Terrifies Couples Parked at Lake Worth.” The editors had a field day with the story for the rest of the week, coming up with headlines like “Lake Worth Monster Reportedly Furry, Scaly,”“Ghost of Greer Island” and — my hands-down favorite — “Witnesses Watch Monster Cavort.”
The Goat-Man made his first appearance when he menaced three young couples parked near Greer Island at Lake Worth. The terrified teenagers described it as half-man/half-goat to the police.
“Hey, kids… can I interest you in a detour onto the three-way freeway?”
Stay tuned for Part 2, in which pranksters claim to be the monster (i.e., the Scooby Doo protocol) but witnesses insist they saw a real creature, and unsavory rumors circulate about the Goat-Man’s parentage.
To find out more about the Lake Worth Monster, set your DVRs to record Monsters and Mysteries in America on the Destination America channel tomorrow night to catch Star-Telegram Columnist/Friend of the Blog (FOB) Bud Kennedy discussing the finer points of fishy goat-men.