CIA: “Area 51 Exists!” World: “Duh.”

In an announcement that surprised absolutely no one, the CIA has now confirmed the existence of Area 51. Of course, they gloss over any UFO references, referring to the site as a super-secret area dedicated to “testing spy planes.”

 MIB

 “Testing spy planes is slang for reverse-engineering UFOs, right?”

 Despite having a variety of nicknames – including Dreamland, Groom Lake and the unintentionally hilarious Homey Airport – the base is officially known as Paradise Ranch. Which is a TERRIBLE name — it sounds like a Texas-themed titty bar. Although you have to admit having an on-base topless bar for the alien captives would be the hospitable thing to do. Someone get the Geneva Convention people on the phone…

Three Boobed Stripper

You don’t want to know what she’s got going on downstairs. 


Giant Red-Haired Cannibals Found in Nevada?

The Paiutes, a Native American tribe indigenous to the Nevada desert, have long told the tale of red-headed, man-eating giants who terrorized their tribe centuries ago. The red-haired giants stood at least 12 feet tall and preyed upon the women and children of the tribe, capturing them for food. According to legend, the Paiutes finally managed to trap the man-eaters in a cave and lit brush on fire at the entrance. The giants perished and the story faded into legend until 1911, when an amateur archaeologist discovered two enormous skeletons in Nevada’s Lovelock Cavern –a female standing 6.5″ and a male measuring at almost 8 feet. Both skeletons supposedly had red hair.  Check out the jawbone of one of the giants, compared to the cast of an average American male jaw:

Giant Teeth

Gary Busey, is that you? 

Giant man-eaters? Maybe. Super-creepy gingers? Definitely.

carrot-top

Your evil cannibal ancestors called. They said you’re embarrassing them. 


“No Faint Hearts in Fort Worth” Reference in Today’s FW Star-Telegra

There’s a great article in today’s Fort Worth Star-Telegram talking about an upcoming event at TCU next month remembering JFK’s impact on Fort Worth. The article mentions the President’s famous quote about Fort Worth — the title of this very blog.

Check it out, ya’ll.

http://www.star-telegram.com/2013/08/10/5071140/fort-worth-to-remember-jfk-at.html

Side note: My dad was the “other reporter” that went with Bob Schieffer to pick up Marguerite Oswald and take her to the Dallas police station to see her son, Lee Harvey.

“Schieffer asked the woman for her address so he and another reporter could give her a ride to Dallas.”

My father — Bill Foster — was the automotive editor for the Star-Telegram at the time and drove Bob and Mrs. Oswald (who he described to me as “bizarre, rambling and unhinged”) to the Dallas police station. I really wish that the Star-Telegram would have the professional courtesy to mention Dad by name whenever this comes up. (And it comes up every November.)

Always the gentleman, Bob does mention Dad in his excellent book “This Just In: What I Couldn’t Tell You on TV” — which I recommend if you are interested in the JFK assassination.

Thanks to the ever-awesome Kang for sending! 🙂

Lee Harvey Oswald being shot

Too soon? 


Dutch Baboons Buzzed by UFOs?

Zoologists at a Dutch zoo are mystified by the strange behavior of a troop of baboons who recently began exhibiting bizarre PTSD symptoms. The baboons are hiding in trees and refusing to come out or interact with zoo visitors.  It’s a extreme version of how primates in the wild react to an encounter with an apex predator, leading some to theorize that the baboons may have been traumatized by a UFO sighting.

Due to the large number of monkey cosmonauts launched into the galaxy as “test pilots” during the Space Race of the 1950s/60s,  the aliens may have come to assume that monkeys are the most intelligent species on Earth. Also, that they are swinging bachelor playboys, based on those little jumpsuits. (You know how astronauts are.)

Monkey Cosmonaut

I’m kind of a big deal. 

They’re probably just trying to broker a peace treaty and think the baboons are playing hard to get.

Skeptical Alien

I’ve got a 50-gallon banana daiquiri with your name on it. Let’s talk.