It Sounds Better in German

German is the non-nerd version of Klingon: a guttural language best used for barking orders at people and threatening Poland. However, it’s very good at one thing — effectively condensing a complex concept into a single useful word. Words like Schadenfraude (taking pleasure in other’s misery) and Handschuhschneeballwerfer (someone who wears gloves to throw snowballs.)

GreasieHoffenCrotcher?

Despite German’s legendary efficiency, there are still some situations that need a descriptor. So I’m throwing my tiny green hat into the semantic ring to come up with my own German efficiency words. Such as…

SkittleGrossen — purposely buying candy you hate to avoid eating it all before Halloween.

Marina: “Damn it! Patrick ate all the mini-Snickers I bought for the trick-or-treaters.”

Me: “You should have SkittleGrossened. I’m giving out circus peanuts and Clamato.”

Legend has it that these were once edible. 

Druncle — the randy, drunk uncle who skeeves everyone out during the holidays with inappropriate  topics.

Example

Me: “My druncle freaked us all out at Christmas by talking about his nipples. Again.”

Or wrestle with his shirt off. 

BoozenKinder — the practice of making the presence of ill-behaved children more tolerable by pretending that they are tiny, inebriated adults.

Example

A small boy runs by, wearing his underpants like a mask and screeching “I’m a Batman! Wheeeeee!!!”

Me: “LOL. That guy is cut off. No more Jäger for you, Dakota!”

“I will cut a bitch. “

What new German words do you think we need?