Human Monster Sighting: The Silvercrested Narcissist

Very excited to be writing my first requested blog post. Friend of the Blog (FOB), Most Interesting Man in the World and all-around bad-ass Thomas Blasucci requested a post on a creature even more terrifying than creepy clowns or ghastly ghost sharks… the dreaded one-upping, conversational Narcissist!

We all know the Narcissist — that person who — either out of insecurity, egomania or an unholy alliance of the two — steers any and all conversation directly back to themselves at all costs. This is an almost word-for-for reenactment of a conversation I recently had with one such horror.

Me: “I might get new glasses.”
Him: “I don’t need those because I have 20-20 eyesight. Funny anecdote about that…. I was telling my close personal friend the Dalai Lama about my perfect vision and he told me that I was the handsomest man he ever met. Long story short: I INVENTED GLASSES!”

The most frightening thing about narcissists is — unlike conventional monsters — you can’t kill them with holy water or a silver bullet. Well, a silver bullet would probably do the trick but try explaining that to a grand jury. The only thing you can do is back slowly out of the room while avoiding eye contact, like you would with a grizzly bear or the Mayor of Toronto. Then run like hell.

Legend has it that they can be killed with an ax but that’s kind of a grey legal area.