Dinosaur Porn, AKA Romancing the Bone

Usually the Japanese are on the forefront of all things sexually horrifying, i.e., tentacle sex anime, vending machines that sell previously worn underpants, and a popular comic book character called “Rapeman.”

Because “Vile Sexual Predator Who Should Be Bludgeoned and Fed to Sharks” wouldn’t fit on the cover.

However, Americans are stepping up their perv game to bring the world — and I’m not kidding — dinosaur-based erotica. Apparently there is a small subset of U.S. women whose deepest, darkest fantasy involves is being taken against their will by… a brontosaurus. Amazon.com actually sells sexy(?) novellas about lusty cave women being molested by megalodons and schtupped by stegosauruses.

I did not Photoshop this. I swear. 

These dino-sex enthusiasts also support the narrow but apparently lucrative paleo-porn video market. For which, I would like to suggest the following titles:

* Land of the Lust

* Roger Raptor: Velocirapist

* Yabba Dabba Do Me

Yes, that is a lady being violated by a beak. Our friend The Loch Ness Monster is covering up the grossest bit, presumably while trying not to throw up. And she’s a monster.

In conclusion, when Jurassic Park 4 hits this theaters in 2015, you may want to avoid sitting next to anyone with a fistful of $1’s  ready to throw at the screen. (And make sure they’re wearing pants.)