A Public Service Announcement Regarding Semi-Nude SelfiesPosted: July 30, 2013 Filed under: Miscellaneous, Writing | Tags: Anthony Weiner, Brett Favre, Geraldo Rivera, Loch Ness Monster, Pancho Villa 9 Comments
In a sure sign of the impending apocalypse, a flurry of groin-centric celebrity selfies has recently hit the Internet.
Attention, men of Earth: Unless your name rhymes with Rent Treznor or Tanning Baitum, no one wants to see your sexy self-portraiture.
Last week, 70-year-old Geraldo Rivera drunk-tweeted a picture of himself wearing nothing but hippie glasses and a dangerously low-slung towel.
Pancho Villa’s corpse has surprisingly tight abs.
Then, of course, there are the many moods of Carlos Danger, AKA Anthony Weiner — who shrewdly sent wang pics to some rando girl who looks like the night manager of an Applebee’s.
To keep things SFW, I’ve artfully obscured Little Carlos with the Loch Ness Monster.
And finally, the grand-daddy of all celebrity crotch shots: Mr. Brett Favre, a man so arrogant and lazy, he notoriously couldn’t even be bothered to remove his hideous Crocs while sexting.
There’s no way I’m posting anything that gross. And by that, I mean the Crocs.
In summary: This has never worked in the history of EVER. If you want to arouse a girl, send her a picture of yourself rescuing puppies from a fire — you will be on the bus to Poundtown before you know it. You’re welcome.
Lol! So greatful you obscured “little Carlos” … People are crazy!
I always figured ol’ Geraldo was a bogus piece of humanity but this is pathetic. Don’t these people have any friends to tell them that they’re sour?
It was a bold statement. Terrifying but bold.
Bold alright. So Geraldo is saying he does not have a dick, he is a dick. My mistake.
Look Ma! It’s an old Puerto Rican Ned Flanders!!!
Oh Mandynga, Bun and I enjoyed this immensely. I particularly liked your use of Nessie as a censor. Keep up the good work!
Thanks, Judy! I am sure The Loch Ness Censor will be seen again. 🙂