New Loch Ness Monster Sighting?

My favorite sea monster experts – Bill and Bob Clark of SF Sea Serpent – just alerted me to a buzzy new photo of Nessie that’s just hit the Internet.

Naysayers are claiming that it is just a photo of seals, but last I heard seals were not in the habit of synchronized swimming. In a straight line.


Legendary loch monster or frolicking seals in a perfect queue? You be the judge.







Loch Ness Ladle

My birthday is in November so…. only 270+ shopping days left to snap this fantastic Loch Ness Soup Ladle up for me. #JustSayin’ #NessieNoodle #SeaSerpentSplitPea

Because everything tastes better with a little monster in it…

Nessie Pops in for my Birthday: New Footage of the Loch Ness Monster

Readers of this blog know that I have a deep, abiding love for the Loch Ness Monster. Well, bless her slimy (presumably) prehistoric heart… the monstrous green lassie popped up for a leisurely swim on Nov. 6. Click here to check out the video and see what you think. Either my girl popped up to give me an early shout-out (Holla!) or that is one hell of a big Scottish otter. (Note: Nessie and I had a wee tiff a few years back but I’m sure she’s over it by now.)


Surely this crude drawing I found wrapped in seaweed on my porch is in no way a bad omen of things to come.

Huge thank you to Bill and Bob Clark, of the wonderful blog SF Sea Serpent, for giving me a head’s up about this cool new video.

This Week in Loch Ness Monster News….

A Scottish photographer recently captured photos and a video of what he believes could be the elusive Nessie taking a swim through the Loch. It’s either the Monster or one GINORMOUS eel.


It’s huge, black and phallic. Call the Kardashian sisters. 

Of course, some people love Nessie, and some people love Nessie.

Loch Ness Boyfriend

Monster fetishes: More common than you think. 

Also, for the record — do not Google “sexy lake monster” even to find funny photos for your blog. Bad things happen, people. Very bad things.

Lady of the Lake

I think they mean “Lady of the Land of Lakes” Butter Fan Club. 

A Public Service Announcement Regarding Semi-Nude Selfies

In a sure sign of the impending apocalypse, a flurry of groin-centric celebrity selfies has recently hit the Internet.

Attention, men of Earth: Unless your name rhymes with Rent Treznor or Tanning Baitum, no one wants to see your sexy self-portraiture.

Last week, 70-year-old Geraldo Rivera drunk-tweeted a picture of himself wearing nothing but hippie glasses and a dangerously low-slung towel.

Geraldo Selfie

Pancho Villa’s corpse has surprisingly tight abs. 

Then, of course, there are the many moods of Carlos Danger, AKA Anthony Weiner — who shrewdly sent wang pics to some rando girl who looks like the night manager of an Applebee’s.

Anthony-Weiner's Loch Ness Monster

To keep things SFW, I’ve artfully obscured Little Carlos with the Loch Ness Monster. 

And finally, the grand-daddy of all celebrity crotch shots: Mr. Brett Favre, a man so arrogant and lazy, he notoriously couldn’t even be bothered to remove his hideous Crocs while sexting.

Brett's in Crocs.

There’s no way I’m posting anything that gross. And by that, I mean the Crocs. 

In summary: This has never worked in the history of EVER.  If you want to arouse a girl, send her a picture of yourself rescuing puppies from a fire — you will be on the bus to Poundtown before you know it. You’re welcome. 

Word of the Day: Globster

An unidentified, toothy sea creature (AKA, a globster) recently washed ashore in the U.K., causing speculation that it might be a deceased sea monster. Defined as “an unidentified organic mass that washes up on the shoreline of an ocean or other body of water,” a globster often sparks a lot of excitement and jokes about Loch Ness before it’s inevitably identified as the remains of a basking shark or — in this case — a large eel.

There have been reports of sea monsters (or lake monsters like Nessie) from all over the world. One of the most obscure yet interesting stories is Texas’ own Sea Monster of Port Isabel, which sparked a lively fishing competition off the Gulf of Mexico in 1938. The sea monster was reported by witnesses as being more than 40 feet long, proving that everything really is bigger in Texas.


Hey, ya’ll! I just ate Big Tex.