When the body of Danny Vanzandt was discovered in his Oklahoma home this February, the 65-year-old man’s remains had been reduced to a smoking heap of black ash in his kitchen. However, except for scorch marks on the nearby refrigerator, nothing else in the house had been burned (including the floor underneath the body). The local fire marshal called it a mystery and the Sequoyah County Sheriff said that Spontaneous Human Combustion (SHC) had not been ruled out as cause of death.
Vanzandt was known to be a heavy smoker and drinker; both common traits in reported victims of this mysterious phenomenon. And almost all of the reports mention that he reportedly had very poor hygiene, which is just rude. Good Lord, the poor man is dead. No need to shame him about deodorant at this point.
This is very sad so I’m not making any jokes.
The cause of death has now been ruled as a heart attack, with the theory that the victim fell onto a lit cigarette as he died. Which still doesn’t explain why the house didn’t burn down along with him. To reduce the body to the level of incineration found, the body would have had to have burned for 10 hours straight, according to reports. And the house was a veritable tinder box, with no running water.
Very, very odd… Where are Mulder and Scully when you need them?
A fisherman in Brazil was recently hospitalized with burns in his stranger danger zone after some odd-looking stones that he had picked up on the beach burst into flames in his pants pocket. Must. Not. Make. Hot Dog. Joke.
And he’s not the only one. A San Diego woman suffered a similar fate last year, when she picked up some greenish-orange rocks on an American beach.
Do not store near genitals.
Despite government notices to the contrary, one theory is that these are radioactive fragments washing up from the destroyed Fukushima nuclear plant in the aftermath of the 2011 tsunami in Japan. So… radioactive waste from Japan possibly bobbing around in the ocean. Why does this sound familiar?
I’m on the Atkins Diet. I only eat people named Atkins.