The Ancient Ram Inn, a 12th-century B&B located in the U.K., is considered to be one of the most haunted sites in England, according to the owners. Not only is it home to more than 20 ghosts, the Inn (which was built on top of the obligatory pagan graveyard) also claims to have its own sex demon that likes to get its freak on with the guests.
Gene: “Did someone say SEX DEMON?!?” *Does terrifying geriatric movements with his tongue*
Me: “Will someone please escort Mr. Simmons back to the home? It’s almost time for Matlock.”
Do you have to pay extra for the demon sex? Please tell me there’s at least an established safe word.
Kimaris the Corruptor: “Do I make you horny, baby?” *bad Austin Powers impression*
Female Guest: “ZEBRA! I repeat: ZEBRA!”
Everyone set their DVRs for the world premiere of Ghost Shark at 8 p.m. CST Thursday on the SyFy Channel. In a move that promised to make Sharknado look like a guppy caught in a wind tunnel, Ghost Shark features the undeniable genius of people being haunted/eaten by a ghostly Great White. I am also thrilled to announce that Friend of the Blog and actor extraordinaire Tim Taylor stars in Ghost Shark as Deputy Hendricks. (It also features the guy who played Bull on Night Court.) But mainly Tim, who you may also know from an obscure little indie film called The Hunger Games. Will Tim get eaten by the Ghost Shark? Will he return for the sequel, presumably titled Return of Ghost Shark: Back for the Halibut? You’ll have to tune in to find out. For info on Tim, check out his website here.
A fat kid rides a Slip N Slide straight into the jaws of Ghost Shark. Because awesome.
To my knowledge, this is not a scene from Ghost Shark, but a photo that I found when I googled “Ghost” and “Shark.” Perhaps it’s a still from SyFy’s upcoming film SuicidalSharkMan: Nobody’s Chum.
(Seriously, though… what the HELL?)
I went to my first paranormal convention last weekend, and it was — to use some deep-fried Southern parlance — a hoot. Tons of cheesy new age psychics/fortune tellers abounded. The most hilarious booth (called something idiotic like Angelic Dolphin Crystal Channeling) featured a giant poster of a dolphin leaping over a rainbow using badly Photoshopped eagle wings. I could have literally created something more realistic with PaintShop Pro. Using my feet.
There were numerous paranormal groups there. The good folks from Paranologies.com had a table of customized ghost-hunting equipment. Really cool stuff, such as this Phono-Pod:
And this item, which I assume to be some sort of Steampunk Ghost Calculator:
I don’t know what it does but I still want it.
There was also, inexplicably, a booth selling homemade jerky. Tasty but hardly paranormal. Unless it was haunted jerky. Or possibly undead jerky?
Side Note: “Undead Jerky” is Tan Mom’s stripper name.
Just got my new paranormal investigator shirt in the mail. Although I have yet to make a terrified sprint from an investigation site, I’m sure that day will arrive. Thankfully, the back of my shirt is already prepared for the occasion. (See below – LOL.)
And if you DO happen to see a bunch of ghost hunters running from an abandoned building in the middle of the night (you’ll know us by the K2 meters in our hands and the look of panic on our faces), it is probably best to RUN.
I don’t have to run fast. I just have to run faster than you.