The Odd Gifts of Ingo Swann

Ingo Swann, who worked with the CIA in the 1970’s to spy on Russia via remote viewing and co-created the agency’s Stargate Project, died earlier this year. Famous for powerful psychic abilities and government-funded parapsychology experiments, his life story reads like a Fringe script. Except weirder.

Swann’s life was a paradox. Believing that his psychic/telekinetic powers were a natural ability, he decried the mystical  trappings surrounding the field and encouraged rational study of the subject. And to prove his power, Ingo famously announced the existence of planetary rings around the planet Jupiter in 1973 — six years before the Voyager probe confirmed his findings.

However, no matter how hard he worked to make parapsychology seem legitimate, Ingo’s tireless and profound eccentricity cancelled out the effort. Scientists tend to not take you seriously when you spend your down time creating impossibly cheesy “psychic” art  and claiming to have had sexy encounters with a lady space alien in your autobiography, which has the in-no-way-deranged title: “Penetration: The Question of Extraterrestrial and Human Telepathy.”

So, basically it’s a draw. Thanks for nothing, Ingo.

Ingo Swann Book Cover

Pictured: Credibility. 


Ghost Adventures is Fake? I Am Shocked!

Said no one ever. 

Paranormal researchers are up in arms about Ghost Adventures, claiming that the show is fake. It features three muscle-bound asshats going to “haunted” locations to heckle the spirit world. They try to embarrass the ghosts into appearing by yelling things like “Are you scared of me?” and “Don’t be such a pussy!”  Because the dead are definitely worried about their street cred.

Understandably, the ghosts never appear so you end up watching 40 minutes of douchebags in Ed Hardy shirts and laughable belt buckles (see below) bellowing threats at nothing.

Sadly, they’ve pulled this routine at the site of some very tragic incidents, such as the Villisca Axe Murder house. Even if they died 100 years ago, I still think it’s still in bad taste to tell dead people  to “suck it.”


Bravely taunting thin air since 2008. Hellz yeah! 

Granbury Paranormal Expo 2013

I went to my first paranormal convention last weekend, and it was — to use some deep-fried Southern parlance — a hoot. Tons of cheesy new age psychics/fortune tellers abounded. The most hilarious booth (called something idiotic like Angelic Dolphin Crystal Channeling) featured a giant poster of a dolphin leaping over a rainbow using badly Photoshopped eagle wings. I could have literally created something more realistic with PaintShop Pro. Using my feet.

There were numerous paranormal groups there. The good folks from had a table of customized ghost-hunting equipment. Really cool stuff, such as this Phono-Pod:

Phono Pod

And this item, which I assume to be some sort of Steampunk Ghost Calculator:

Steampunk Ghost Machine

I don’t know what it does but I still want it. 

There was also, inexplicably, a booth selling homemade jerky. Tasty but hardly paranormal. Unless it was haunted jerky. Or possibly undead jerky?

Tan Mom

Side Note: “Undead Jerky” is Tan Mom’s stripper name. 

My New Ghosthunting Shirt Came With Instructions

Just got my new paranormal investigator shirt in the mail. Although I have yet to make a terrified sprint  from an investigation site, I’m sure that day will arrive. Thankfully, the back of my shirt is already prepared for the occasion. (See below – LOL.)

And if you DO happen to see a bunch of ghost hunters running from an abandoned building in the middle of the night (you’ll know us by the K2 meters in our hands and the look of panic on our faces), it is probably best to RUN.

photo (16)

I don’t have to run fast. I just have to run faster than you. 

First Ghost Hunt

Because I am mildly obsessed with paranormal shows like Destination Truth and UFO Files, I recently joined a local ghost-hunting group. The investigation took place at a very old movie theater that was being renovated. “Legend” has it that the projectionist committed suicide in the projection booth but there were no records to back that info up, so I have my doubts.

I was impressed with all the professional equipment my fellow ghosthunters showed up with — EVP recorders, video cameras, laser grids to track movement, etc. Our fearless leader, a lovely woman called Annette, took pity on me and loaned me an EMF detector (AKA a “K2” to the cool kids.) Sadly, I didn’t get a haunted vibe about the place (although it was creepy as hell, esp. with all the lights out.) But this is only my first ghost hunt and I am sure the next one will be spookier. I  did get some cool pictures, though. Check it out below.


Marquee Letters 2

Creepy Hallway