A fisherman in Brazil was recently hospitalized with burns in his stranger danger zone after some odd-looking stones that he had picked up on the beach burst into flames in his pants pocket. Must. Not. Make. Hot Dog. Joke.
And he’s not the only one. A San Diego woman suffered a similar fate last year, when she picked up some greenish-orange rocks on an American beach.
Do not store near genitals.
Despite government notices to the contrary, one theory is that these are radioactive fragments washing up from the destroyed Fukushima nuclear plant in the aftermath of the 2011 tsunami in Japan. So… radioactive waste from Japan possibly bobbing around in the ocean. Why does this sound familiar?
I’m on the Atkins Diet. I only eat people named Atkins.
Introducing the Cronut, a half-donut/half-croissant hybrid that goes for $5 a pop in Manhattan and is selling on Craig’s List for $40 a piece. Chef/inventor Dominique Ansel refuses to divulge an exact calorie count but admits that it’s extremely high due to massive amounts of butter and cream that he injects into the layers with a syringe-like pastry tip before he deep-fries it.
Just look at it below, flaunting its sweet glazed decadence like a depraved Little Debbie. You’re mentally jamming your tongue into this right now, aren’t you?
I know I am.
without a dope beat to step to. (Timabaland: “I knew Aaliyah.You, madame, are no Aaliyah.”)
My computer has been in the shop so I’ve not been able to deliver the bizarre sea monster and Elvis stories you’ve come to know and love. However, I’m online now and back in the vagina joke business. And cousin… bidness is booming.
Kang: “Finally! We must celebrate.”
Kodos: “Agreed, brother. Break out the tentacle lube.”