One of Japan’s most famous UFO stories actually focuses on a USO (Unidentified Submerged Object) that washed ashore in 1803 on a beach in the Hitachi province. The craft was described as a circular, saucer-shaped boat; drawings of the object from that time period look very similar to modern-day UFO descriptions.
It’s either a UFO or a bedazzled mushroom – your call.
The ship’s interior featured mysterious symbols and it’s sole inhabitant was an incredibly beautiful young woman with red hair.
Beauty standards were subjective in those days, as Little Miss Perry Mason up there clearly demonstrates.
While friendly, the mysterious girl spoke in an unknown language and cradled a wooden box that she guarded tenaciously. The fishermen theorized that the box held the severed head of her lover, but modern UFO scholars disagree because the box depicted in the drawings is not the right shape. Instead, they suggest the box held alien technology. At a loss for what to do, the fishermen eventually pushed the girl and the mysterious ship (known as the Utsuro Bune, which is Japanese for hollow ship) back into the ocean.
And my takeaway from this unusual story was not “Wow, could those be the earliest illustrations of UFOs ever made?” but rather “So in feudal Japan, lugging your loved one’s severed head around was common enough that is had its own specialized box?”
Glad Zip Lock Head Boxes: No more freezer burn on those sideburns!
The good people at Funny or Die have posted an email leaked by the ever-charming members of Westboro Baptist Church (WBC). It details their upcoming plans to picket actor Paul Walker’s funeral. Enjoy.
God bless this hilarious… pink fishnnet devil dancer? Not sure what look he’s going for, but well done all the same. ($20 says at least one of the WBC boys got a ginormous boner from this.)
Thanks to FOB Jennifer Malone for sending!
That would be a Unidentified Fowl Object, i.e., the turkey veggie platter I made for Thanksgiving this year. I saw it on Pinterest, the crafty crack cocaine of the Interwebs,
I am obsessed with Pinterest; I may need a Pintervention.
And if space creatures were on the fence about whether or not to take over the planet, the following clip of a Black Friday riot at Wal-Mart will convince them that we’re a terrible species in need of alien overlords. Please note that the lady being arrested for assault never loosens her death grip on that TV, even when the hot Channing Tatum-esque cops tries to cuff her.
The true meaning of Christmas: choking out your fellow man for a 32″ flat-screen. God bless us everyone.
Grady Stiles Jr. was many things: Sideshow attraction. Inheritor of ectrodactyly, a hereditary condition that left him legless with pincher-like claws instead of hands. A shrewd business man. And, according to his battered family, a drunken, abusive asshat.
He openly boasted about shooting his daughter’s fiance to death in 1978 but was given probation because no prison would take him based on his condition. Known to go through a bottle of bottle of booze a day, he used his powerful upper body strength to beat his family regularly.
Not only a wife beater, Stiles was also — incredibly enough — a philanderer, bragging that “everyone who has sex with me wants to have sex with my claws.”
I’ll pause a moment to let you drink that image in. You’re welcome.
Note that he said “everyone.” As in more than one human being found this sexy. Thus confirming Rule 34, which states that if it exists, there is porn of it.
Some in Japan is furiously masturbating to this right now.
His wife eventually had her fill of being pimp-slapped by a human lobster and hired someone to gun him down. His death was short and violent, much like Grady himself. And her revenge followed Lobster Boy and his creepy claws to the grave.
She put the praying hands on there after they refused to write “SUCK IT.”
Ingo Swann, who worked with the CIA in the 1970′s to spy on Russia via remote viewing and co-created the agency’s Stargate Project, died earlier this year. Famous for powerful psychic abilities and conducting government-funded parapsychology experiments, his life story reads like a Fringe script that was rejected for being too weird.
Swann’s life was a paradox. Believing that his psychic/telekinetic powers were a natural, biological ability, he decried the mystical trappings surrounding the field during the 70′s and encouraged rational study of the subject. And to prove his power, Ingo famously announced the existence of planetary rings around the planet Jupiter in 1973 — six years before the Voyager probe confirmed his findings.
However, no matter how hard he worked to make parapsychology seem legitimate, Ingo’s tireless and profound eccentricity cancelled out the effort. No matter how powerful your abilities are, scientists tend to not take you seriously when you spend your down time creating impossibly cheesy “psychic” art and claiming to have had sexy encounters with a lady space alien in your autobiography, which has the in-no-way-deranged title: “Penetration: The Question of Extraterrestrial and Human Telepathy.” So, basically it’s a draw. Thanks for nothing, Ingo.
An overworked Roomba 760 reportedly committed the world’s first (to my knowledge) robot suicide in Austria recently. The robot vacuum cleaner’s owner swears the the Roomba was turned off before she left her apartment but somehow it managed to turn itself back on and deliberately scoot onto the stovetop, where it burnt to a crisp.
Oddly enough, the stove had an airtight alibi.
Luckily the building was evacuated before anyone could get hurt but the owner is still at a loss for a motive. Rumor has it, however, the Roomba was depressed over a recent break-up.
“Why, Gary… WHY!?!”
Just kidding. They hate to cuddle.