Does this tree look like Elvis?
Posted: June 10, 2013 Filed under: Miscellaneous 3 CommentsResidents of Herefordshire, England, are all shook up over a tree that they claim looks like Elvis. I think it looks like Rockabilly Lincoln With A Goiter. You be the judge.
Four score and seven years ago, I had a thyroid problem.
Gift-Wrapped Skulls Confound Brazilian Police
Posted: June 8, 2013 Filed under: Miscellaneous Leave a commentPolice in Brazil are puzzled by the discovery that an unknown subject has been leaving elaborately gift-wrapped boxes containing human skulls around the town of Sao Paulo. Forensics tests reveal that the skulls are very old and some have dirt on them, leading some people (okay, just me) to theorize that the culprit is robbing graves to obtain the skulls.
Video cameras have captured footage of a woman in a long skirt leaving the seven gift boxes, which have been left almost exclusively (here it gets even weirder) Mormon temples and foreign consulates. (WTH?) Authorities are speculating that the boxes may be part of an occult ritual. Bottom line to Brazilians — if you find a gift-wrapped box randomly lying around public, don’t open it.
Giving head: You’re doing it wrong.
Badger Parade!
Posted: June 4, 2013 Filed under: Miscellaneous | Tags: Badger 3 CommentsThis is why I love the English. Only those wacky Brits could turn an animal’s rights protest into a dramatic spectacle that ended with ladies chasing far-right extremists away from a hate rally. While dressed as badgers.
The badger brigade (led, oddly enough, by the guitarist from Queen) crashed a political clash between the right-wing British National Party (BNP) and left-wing groups such as Hope Not Hate to protest a government-sponsored cull on badgers. The costumed gatecrashers completely took over the rally, and ended up chasing the right-wing protesters away, leaving one right-wing asshat with a bloody nose. All while — and I cannot stress this point enough — dressed as freaking BADGERS.
Simultaneously routing evil, protecting wildlife, and dressing up in provocative badger costumes. Multi-tasking, bitches!
(This post is dedicated to my favorite badger, Captain Stubing, from The Salton Sea.)
Simpsons Theme Park: I Want To Go To There
Posted: May 30, 2013 Filed under: Miscellaneous, Nerd HQ | Tags: Barney Gumbel, Kang and Kodo, Moe's Tavern, Springfield, The Simpsons, Theme Park 5 CommentsD’oh! My dreams have come true — I will soon be able to drink overpriced beer at Moe’s Tavern and buy Hellboy comics at The Android’s Dungeon in Springfield. Universal Studios is building a Simpsons theme park in Orlando, Florida, that will include working versions of:
* Krusty Burger
* Lard Lad Donuts
* Moe’s Tavern (!)
* The Frying Dutchman, and
* Luigi’s Pizza
Most of all, I am looking forward to the new “intergalactic spinning” ride called Kang & Kodos’ Twirl N’ Hurl, which will (hopefully) send me ***twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom.
Twirling sold separately.
***Note: You must be a profound Simpsons nerd to get this joke. If you didn’t laugh, congratulate yourself on what must be a rich and interesting social life.
Kodos: They do realize that boarding the Twirl N’ Hurl will send them into an alternate slave dimension, right?
Kang: Hush, sister. Just keep smiling harmlessly. The humans will be giving us tentacle rubs in no time! Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!!!
Tentacle jokes: They never get old.
Granbury Paranormal Expo 2013
Posted: May 22, 2013 Filed under: Miscellaneous, Nerd HQ | Tags: Ghost, Granbury Paranormal Expo, Jerky, paranormal, Psychic 8 CommentsI went to my first paranormal convention last weekend, and it was — to use some deep-fried Southern parlance — a hoot. Tons of cheesy new age psychics/fortune tellers abounded. The most hilarious booth (called something idiotic like Angelic Dolphin Crystal Channeling) featured a giant poster of a dolphin leaping over a rainbow using badly Photoshopped eagle wings. I could have literally created something more realistic with PaintShop Pro. Using my feet.
There were numerous paranormal groups there. The good folks from Paranologies.com had a table of customized ghost-hunting equipment. Really cool stuff, such as this Phono-Pod:
And this item, which I assume to be some sort of Steampunk Ghost Calculator:
I don’t know what it does but I still want it.
There was also, inexplicably, a booth selling homemade jerky. Tasty but hardly paranormal. Unless it was haunted jerky. Or possibly undead jerky?
Side Note: “Undead Jerky” is Tan Mom’s stripper name.
Blog Shout Out – Judy Lawson
Posted: May 19, 2013 Filed under: Miscellaneous | Tags: Earth Angel, fried chicken, Judy Lawson 4 CommentsA BIG shout-out to FOB/artist extraordinaire/incredible cook Judy Lawson, the newest member to sign up to follow No Faint Hearts in Fort Worth.
When my Dad was in hospice care, the lovely Ms. Judy volunteered to make a variety of his favorite dishes for me to take to him for dinner since his appetite was waning. (Her fried chicken is AMAZING – he got pretty obsessive about it. It was that good.) She also made incredible dinners for myself and my family since she knew how busy/crazy tired we were at the time.
Much love to a wonderful girl who I firmly believe to be a Castiel-esque angel in disguise. 
I also made you several bad-ass batches of fried chicken. You’re welcome.
Speaking Of UFOs…
Posted: May 6, 2013 Filed under: Miscellaneous, Nerd HQ | Tags: Aliens, Citizen Hearing on Disclosure, Conspiracy Theory, Roswell, UFO 14 CommentsThe Huffington Post provided comprehensive coverage of the recent Citizen Hearing on Disclosure, a five-day Congressional-style hearing held at the National Press Club in Washington, D.C. from April 29 – May 3. While HuffPo did file it under their Weird News section, the coverage is straight-forward, with none of the joking tone that the media usually employs when reporting on UFOs.
Check it out. There are no tinfoil-hat, conspiracy nuts speaking in these sessions. These are, for the most part, former Congressmen and Senators, former astronauts, and retired high-ranking Air Force officers. There is also video of a deathbed disclosure of government knowledge of aliens from an ex-CIA operative. Note: Ignore the crappy, circa-1997 look to the website featuring the ex-CIA confession. Just focus on the compelling video.
Are these ships from another galaxy or just top-secret military vehicles of our own? It’s open for debate. But, whether you are firmly in the “UFOs don’t exist” camp OR a full-fledged UFO believer, I think you’ll find these articles and the video interesting.
A special THANK YOU to FOB (friend of the blog) Jennifer Malone for sending this in, btw. 🙂
Kang: This post isn’t funny at all. When is she going to get back to making Star Wars jokes?
Kodos: I don’t know but this sucks. Put her on the PROBE ROSTER!
So, this is apparently a thing.
Posted: April 23, 2013 Filed under: Miscellaneous 4 CommentsDo you like vodka but feel like it needs to be CRUNCHIER? (Who doesn’t?) Fret no longer. Behold: a recipe for Cheeto-infused vodka.
http://uptownalmanac.com/2012/05/today-high-falutin-mixology-cheeto-infused-vodka
Chester Cheetah tends to get bi-curious after one too many Vodka Cheeto shots.
No Faint Hearts in Fort Worth... 
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