The U-28 Abomination: A WW I Sea Monster Story

Here’s a great sea monster story straight from the good people at www.americanmonsters.com. (Which may be my new favorite web site.)

During World War 1,  Commander Freiherr Georg-Günther von Forstner encountered what he and his crew described as a 60-foot-long crocodile off the coast of Ireland. After his U-Boat (the U-28 Schmidt) sank the British steamer Iberian on July 30, 1915, the German captain and his crew were shocked to witness a violent explosion of ship debris shoot into the air that included a dinosaur-sized crocodile.

U-28_monster28

Wheeeeeeeeeeee!

In 1935, von Forstner published a book about the event called “The Case for The Sea Serpent.” Here’s a quote:

“We were unable to identify the creature, but all of us agreed that it resembled an aquatic crocodile, which was about 60-feet long, with four limbs resembling large webbed feet, a long, pointed tail and a head which also tapered to a point. Unfortunately we were not able to take a photograph, for the animal sank out of sight after ten or fifteen seconds.”

German U-Boat captains are not particularly whimsical men. Nor are they given to flights of fancy involving improbably giant animals, especially with Herr Hitler breathing down their neck. So for Captain von Forstner to publish an entire BOOK about a sea monster in 1935, either one of two things had to have happened:

1. von Forstner’s Jarlsberg cheese finally slid off his cracker. Or,

2. He saw a goddamn sea monster.

I think you know which way I’m leaning.

North. I’m leaning North, because I think that’s the direction of Ireland from here. (Full disclosure: I am not good with directions.)


Bigfoot Tonight Radio Show

Bigfoot fans should check out this awesomely Squatchy podcast, hosted by longtime Bigfoot researcher Chuck Prahl, (Chuck writes one of my favorite Squatch blogs – BigfootBuzz.net.) Click here to listen to the latest episode.

(Thanks to Chuck for re-blogging my recent Bigfoot poll!)

bigfoot radio

Tune in… or else. 


Sea Monster Alert: Giant Squid Caught Off Coast of Japan

A giant squid, weighing over 350 pounds, was recently netted by Shigenori Goto off Japan’s Sadogashima Island in Niigata Prefecture. Extremely rare, with eyes the size of basketballs and eight creepy tentacles, giant squids are thought to be the basis of sea monster legends throughout the centuries.

squid2.jpeg

Code name: Calamari.

These nightmares of the sea can grow up to 60 feet long and have a giant beak, like a parrot. Inside that beak sits a tongue covered in jagged teeth. Because Nature is a terrifying bitch.

squid beak

Who wants a kiss? 

And, oh yeah… each tentacle features a razor-sharp hook.

Squid hook

Even Great White sharks are like: “Aw, hell naw.” 

Plus, recent scientific studies indicate that giant squid intelligence is on the rise.

So I, for one, would like to be the first to welcome our new Squid Overlords. The cuttlefish buffet is right this way, your Tentacleness.


Dead Bigfoot Body Tour 2014: Take the Poll!

Cryptozoologist Rick Dyer (star of a documentary called Shooting Bigfootwas recently awarded the corpse of a Sasquatch he claims to have shot in San Antonio after winning a court battle with the film’s producers. He has announced the he will now tour the country with said corpse, charging curious visitors a fee to view the body of Bigfoot, AKA Biggie. (I’ve preemptively given him a nickname, in case we ever meet and be come BFFs — Beast Friends 4EVA.)

Bigfoot Corpse

Kenny Rogers has really let himself go.

Dyer has a lot of critics in the Squatch community, who claim that he’s a shyster. Regardless of the facts, if the Dead Bigfoot Body Tour comes to Fort Worth, I am there like underwear.


Fishy Man-Goat Monster AKA: The Goat-Man of Lake Worth

In July 1969, Fort Worth residents woke up to a startling article in the Fort Worth Star-Telegram: “Fishy Man-Goat Terrifies Couples Parked at Lake Worth.”  The editors had a field day with the story for the rest of the week, coming up with headlines like “Lake Worth Monster Reportedly Furry, Scaly,”“Ghost of Greer Island” and — my hands-down favorite — “Witnesses Watch Monster Cavort.” 

The Goat-Man made his first appearance when he menaced three young couples parked near Greer Island at Lake Worth. The terrified teenagers described it as half-man/half-goat to the police.

goatman

“Hey, kids… can I interest you in a detour onto the three-way freeway?” 

Stay tuned for Part 2, in which pranksters claim to be the monster (i.e., the Scooby Doo protocol) but witnesses insist they saw a real creature, and unsavory rumors circulate about the Goat-Man’s parentage.

To find out more about the Lake Worth Monster, set your DVRs to record Monsters and Mysteries in America on the Destination America channel tomorrow night to catch Star-Telegram Columnist/Friend of the Blog (FOB) Bud Kennedy discussing the finer points of fishy goat-men.


All I Want For Christmas is a Bigfoot Sweater

Dear Santa,

See below.

bigfoot-sweater
Thanks in advance,

Mandy

* Shout-out to FOB and screenwriter extraordinaire Cathy Bible for finding this knitted piece of Yuletide Yeti goodness.


Cryptid Corner: Walking Shark Discovered in Indonesia

A new species of shark that can actually WALK has been discovered in Indonesia. This new species uses  four sturdy fins like feet to waddle along the ocean floor looking for small prey.

It’s like watching the world’s ugliest underwater puppy. 

This new species is small and harmless to humans. SO FAR.

How long before it learns to walk on land? How long before it gets bigger and develops a taste for blood? How long before SyFy Channel execs have it starring in “Land Shark: Tooth or Consequences”?

Land-Sharks-1

I want to give you a big hug. With my teeth. 


This Week in Loch Ness Monster News….

A Scottish photographer recently captured photos and a video of what he believes could be the elusive Nessie taking a swim through the Loch. It’s either the Monster or one GINORMOUS eel.

o-LOCHNESS-570

It’s huge, black and phallic. Call the Kardashian sisters. 

Of course, some people love Nessie, and some people love Nessie.

Loch Ness Boyfriend

Monster fetishes: More common than you think. 

Also, for the record — do not Google “sexy lake monster” even to find funny photos for your blog. Bad things happen, people. Very bad things.

Lady of the Lake

I think they mean “Lady of the Land of Lakes” Butter Fan Club. 


Get Ready for Ghost Shark!

Everyone set their DVRs for the world premiere of Ghost Shark at 8 p.m. CST Thursday on the SyFy Channel. In a move that promised to make Sharknado look like a guppy caught in a wind tunnel, Ghost Shark features the undeniable genius of people being haunted/eaten by a ghostly Great White. I am also thrilled to announce that Friend of the Blog and actor extraordinaire Tim Taylor stars in Ghost Shark as Deputy Hendricks. (It also features the guy who played Bull on Night Court.)  But mainly Tim, who you may also know from an obscure little indie film called The Hunger Games. Will Tim get eaten by the Ghost Shark? Will he return for the sequel, presumably titled Return of Ghost Shark: Back for the Halibut?  You’ll have to tune in to find out.  For info on Tim, check out his website here.

Ghost-Shark-SyFy-Preview-Slip-N-Slide

A fat kid rides a Slip N Slide straight into the jaws of Ghost Shark. Because awesome. 

Shark Stabbing WTF

To my knowledge, this is not a scene from Ghost Shark, but a photo that I found when I googled “Ghost” and “Shark.” Perhaps it’s a still from SyFy’s upcoming film SuicidalSharkMan: Nobody’s Chum.

(Seriously, though… what the HELL?) 


Giant Red-Haired Cannibals Found in Nevada?

The Paiutes, a Native American tribe indigenous to the Nevada desert, have long told the tale of red-headed, man-eating giants who terrorized their tribe centuries ago. The red-haired giants stood at least 12 feet tall and preyed upon the women and children of the tribe, capturing them for food. According to legend, the Paiutes finally managed to trap the man-eaters in a cave and lit brush on fire at the entrance. The giants perished and the story faded into legend until 1911, when an amateur archaeologist discovered two enormous skeletons in Nevada’s Lovelock Cavern –a female standing 6.5″ and a male measuring at almost 8 feet. Both skeletons supposedly had red hair.  Check out the jawbone of one of the giants, compared to the cast of an average American male jaw:

Giant Teeth

Gary Busey, is that you? 

Giant man-eaters? Maybe. Super-creepy gingers? Definitely.

carrot-top

Your evil cannibal ancestors called. They said you’re embarrassing them.