Aliens on the Moon?
Posted: July 19, 2014 Filed under: Bizarre, Miscellaneous, Nerd HQ, UFOs | Tags: Aliens on the Moon, moon documentary, Robert Kiviat, Syfy Leave a commentI am equal parts skeptical and stoked about the upcoming documentary Aliens on the Moon: The Truth Exposed, airing tomorrow night (Sunday, July 20) on the SyFy Channel.
On one hand, it does feature commentary from Apollo 11 astronauts Buzz Aldrin and Edgar Mitchell, as well as rare mission photos purporting to show evidence of structures and crafts on the lunar surface.
But on the other hand, the show was produced by Robert Kiviat. This is the man who brought us the absurdity that was Alien Autopsy, the “documentary” from 1995 that was so poorly faked I expected it to have blooper reels.
Oh, who am I kidding? They had me at “aliens.”
Pictured: Credibility.
Happy Roswell Day!
Posted: July 9, 2014 Filed under: Bizarre, Nerd HQ, UFOs | Tags: Roswell 67th anniversary Leave a commentOn July 8, 1947, the Roswell Daily Record startled the nation with a bold headline.
And then the cover-up began.
NASA Launched a Flying Saucer On Saturday
Posted: July 2, 2014 Filed under: Bizarre, Miscellaneous, Nerd HQ, UFOs | Tags: Low-Density Supersonic Decelerator (LDSD), NASA, NASA Flying Saucer Leave a commentIn the “Clearly They’re Now Just Messing with Us” news category, NASA conducted a test flight on Saturday for its new vehicle, which just happens to look exactly like a flying saucer. Designed to help slow the descent of heavy spacecraft into Mars’ thin atmosphere, the Low-Density Supersonic Decelerator (LDSD) failed to deploy its parachute during the test but NASA officials still declared the experiment a success.
A NASA spokesperson stated “The test vehicle worked beautifully, and we met all of our flight objectives. *Also, in no way did we reverse-engineer the craft’s design from anything found at Roswell. Werner Von Braun who?”
*Full disclosure: I may or may not have made that last bit up but you know they were thinking it.
Code Name: “Make Mulder Cry”
Special thanks to FOB extraordinaire Kang for both sending me this story and loaning me the hardware to publish it. You rock, Kang! 🙂
Dear Santa: Suck It
Posted: December 26, 2013 Filed under: Bizarre, Miscellaneous, Nerd HQ, UFOs | Tags: Amazon.com, CIA, GeorgeTakei, MUFON, Star Trek, UFO Detector Leave a commentI’m a simple woman. I only asked Santa for a few small things this year: eternal youth, world domination and this UFO detector. (Click here to see it; SO snazzy and it’s getting great reviews on Amazon.com, including this one from someone who is definitely not an alien.)
I knew I was chancing it on the youth and world domination requests, but I felt certain that someone would buy me the UFO detector. I mean, c’mon… it even got a sterling review from the peerless George Takei (AKA Sulu from Star Trek.) Just look at this oiled blue steel beauty:
For a 20% discount, don’t forget to use the code THECIAISTOTESNOTTRACKINGTHESEPLEASESPEAKDIRECTLYINTOTHESWIRLYTHING
But did I get one? No! It’s like Santa doesn’t even know me at all.
Screw the holidays. I am converting to Jediism. Maybe next year I’ll at least get a goddamned light saber.
The Lady and the Box: A UFO Story from 1803 Japan
Posted: December 11, 2013 Filed under: Bizarre, Miscellaneous, Nerd HQ Leave a commentOne of Japan’s most famous UFO stories focuses on a mysterious craft that washed ashore in 1803 on a beach in the Hitachi province. The craft was described as a circular, saucer-shaped boat; drawings of the object from that time period look very similar to modern-day UFO descriptions.
It’s either a UFO or a bedazzled mushroom – your call.
The ship’s interior featured mysterious symbols and its sole inhabitant was described as an incredibly beautiful young woman.
Beauty standards were subjective in those days, as Little Miss Perry Mason up there clearly demonstrates.
The girl spoke in an unknown language and cradled a wooden box that she guarded tenaciously. The fishermen assumed that the box held the severed head of her lover, but modern UFO scholars discount this theory because the box depicted is not the right shape. The fishermen eventually pushed the girl and the mysterious ship back into the ocean.
And my takeaway from this unusual story was not “Wow, could those be the earliest illustrations of UFOs ever made?” but rather “So they had boxes in feudal Japan specifically designed for severed head storage?”
Glad Zip Lock Head Boxes: No more freezer burn on those sideburns.
The Odd Gifts of Ingo Swann
Posted: November 21, 2013 Filed under: Bizarre, Miscellaneous, Nerd HQ | Tags: ESP, Ingo Swann, paranormal, Parapsychology, Psychic, Remote viewing, Stargate Project 6 CommentsIngo Swann, who worked with the CIA in the 1970’s to spy on Russia via remote viewing and co-created the agency’s Stargate Project, died earlier this year. Famous for powerful psychic abilities and government-funded parapsychology experiments, his life story reads like a Fringe script. Except weirder.
Swann’s life was a paradox. Believing that his psychic/telekinetic powers were a natural ability, he decried the mystical trappings surrounding the field and encouraged rational study of the subject. And to prove his power, Ingo famously announced the existence of planetary rings around the planet Jupiter in 1973 — six years before the Voyager probe confirmed his findings.
However, no matter how hard he worked to make parapsychology seem legitimate, Ingo’s tireless and profound eccentricity cancelled out the effort. Scientists tend to not take you seriously when you spend your down time creating impossibly cheesy “psychic” art and claiming to have had sexy encounters with a lady space alien in your autobiography, which has the in-no-way-deranged title: “Penetration: The Question of Extraterrestrial and Human Telepathy.”
So, basically it’s a draw. Thanks for nothing, Ingo.
Pictured: Credibility.
UFO Crash in North London!
Posted: October 15, 2013 Filed under: Bizarre, Nerd HQ | Tags: North Harringay primary school, North London, Primary school, Tottenham, UFO, Unidentified flying object 2 CommentsChildren at a North London primary school were astonished to find a crashed UFO half-buried in the tarmac when they went to class a few weeks ago. The ship was being guarded by a constable while a forensics officer collected evidence.
Rather than British Roswell, however, it turned out to be a staged event by the parents meant to inspire the children on Creative Writing Day.
The coolest thing that ever happened at my elementary was a trip to the local bakery. And those lucky little British kids got a U-F-freakin’-O crash in the middle of their playground… just to inspire them to write well.
Here’s a close-up of the saucer to rub it in.
I’m currently campaigning to be adopted by one of these brilliant parents, but it’s not going well. Something about “you’re already an adult” blah blah “let go of my leg” blah blah “restraining order.” Kids just do NOT know how good they’ve got it these days.
And I’m officially turning into Grandpa Simpson in 3… 2…
If I’m not back at the home by nine, they declare me legally dead and collect my insurance.
Spontaneous Human Combustion Death in Oklahoma?
Posted: October 10, 2013 Filed under: Bizarre, Nerd HQ | Tags: Danny Vanzandt, Okahoma Spontaneous Human Combustion, spontaneous combustion, Spontaneous Human Combustion 2 CommentsWhen the body of Danny Vanzandt was discovered in his Oklahoma home this February, the 65-year-old man’s remains had been reduced to a smoking heap of black ash in his kitchen. However, except for scorch marks on the nearby refrigerator, nothing else in the house had been burned (including the floor underneath the body). The local fire marshal called it a mystery and the Sequoyah County Sheriff said that Spontaneous Human Combustion (SHC) had not been ruled out as cause of death.
Vanzandt was known to be a heavy smoker and drinker; both common traits in reported victims of this mysterious phenomenon. And almost all of the reports mention that he reportedly had very poor hygiene, which is just rude. Good Lord, the poor man is dead. No need to shame him about deodorant at this point.
This is very sad so I’m not making any jokes.
The cause of death has now been ruled as a heart attack, with the theory that the victim fell onto a lit cigarette as he died. Which still doesn’t explain why the house didn’t burn down along with him. To reduce the body to the level of incineration found, the body would have had to have burned for 10 hours straight, according to reports. And the house was a veritable tinder box, with no running water.
Very, very odd… Where are Mulder and Scully when you need them?
Zombie Survival Store Opens in Florida
Posted: October 5, 2013 Filed under: Bizarre, Nerd HQ | Tags: ammo, machetes, Orlando, zombie, zombie apocalypse, Zombie Survival Store 5 Comments
A Zombie Survival Army/Navy Store recently opened in Orlando, FL. It sells typical Army/Navy store stuff — camouflage jackets, ammo boxes, etc. — but it also features a pretty broad selection of supplies to help you survive a zombie apocalypse, such as MRE’s and first aid kits.
Although if you get a wicked zombie bite, I’m not sure a Band-Aid will help.
More usefully, they have a shit-ton of knives for sale.
Don’t think of it as a machete; think of it as a portable zombie guillotine.
So when the zombie apocalypse comes, head to Orlando to stock up on supplies. And trust no one.
Cryptid Corner: Walking Shark Discovered in Indonesia
Posted: September 7, 2013 Filed under: Cryptozoology, Nerd HQ, Writing | Tags: Halmahera, Indonesia, Shark, walking shark 3 CommentsA new species of shark that can actually WALK has been discovered in Indonesia. This new species uses four sturdy fins like feet to waddle along the ocean floor looking for small prey.
It’s like watching the world’s ugliest underwater puppy.
This new species is small and harmless to humans. SO FAR.
How long before it learns to walk on land? How long before it gets bigger and develops a taste for blood? How long before SyFy Channel execs have it starring in “Land Shark: Tooth or Consequences”?
I want to give you a big hug. With my teeth.
No Faint Hearts in Fort Worth... 
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